Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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