Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
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