Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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