so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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