Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize