If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize