He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
