your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
