He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
