So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
