I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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