I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
