You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
