you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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