I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
