for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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