So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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