oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
