I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
