I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
