I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
