these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
