Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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