Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
