I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
