I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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