ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
