accomplished twins. life is a go
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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