Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
