I hate your face
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
