oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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