I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
