I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Welp...herpes.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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