i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
