his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
