We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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