I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
