Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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