Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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