I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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