this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
