shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
