I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize