just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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