Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
