if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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