We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
