need another drink. this is the easiest way
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
