Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
