this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
