Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize