Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize