i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
