When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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