Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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