The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize