He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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