You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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