I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
