Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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