Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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