I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
