We're facebook friends in real life
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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