my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
