a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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