dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
